STAR TREK: VOYAGER
"The Purple Horror"
by Steve Sutton
(Voyager is traveling at warp. On the holodeck, Paris and
Torres are lying on a warm, sunny beach.)
Torres: Tom, I have to admit, this was a good idea.
Paris: Well, after being stuck in Engineering for the last four
days, I figured you needed a break. Besides, this gives us a
chance to spend a little quality time together.
Torres: Nice of you to arrange it with the Captain. I owe you
one.
Paris: Actually, you owe me several, but who's counting?
(They listen to the sound of the waves breaking.)
Torres: You know what would be really good right now?
Paris: Well, I have a good idea. Computer, run program Paris-One.
(The beach disappears and is replaced with a dark,
romantically-lit, red-velvet bedroom. A bed with satin sheets
appears beneath them.)
Torres: Computer, run previous program.
(The bed vanishes and the beach returns.)
Paris: I'm sorry, I thought...
Torres: Nice try, Tom, but I was referring to you taking your
hand off my breast.
(Paris looks innocently at his hand on her breast.)
Paris (removing it): Gee, I wonder how that got there.
(The holodeck suddenly shakes. A few seconds later, Tuvok's voice
comes over the comm system.)
Tuvok (over comm system): Senior officers, report to duty
stations.
Torres (getting up): Damn, I knew it wouldn't last.
Janeway (over comm system): Janeway to Paris, you're needed on
the Bridge.
Paris (looking up): I'll be right there, Captain.
Torres: Computer, end program.
(The beach disappears. Torres and Paris gather their belongings
and exit the holodeck. A few minutes later, Paris arrives on the
Bridge, still wearing his bathing suit. Janeway looks at his legs
as he passes and gets horny.)
Chakotay: Dressing rather casually, aren't we, Ensign?
Paris (sitting down at the helm): Sorry, I didn't have time to
change.
Kim: Captain, sensors are picking up another plasma wave.
Janeway (softly, staring at Paris's naked back): I hear you,
Harry.
Chakotay (pausing): Captain?
Janeway (startled, composing herself): Of course, on screen,
Ensign.
(A line of bright, flourescent plasma appears on the viewscreen.)
Kim: Impact in six seconds.
Janeway: Any idea of where the waves are coming from, Mister Kim?
Kim: I can't say. It looks like an intense plasma storm.
(The wave hits, shaking the ship violently.)
Tuvok: Shields down to fifty-three percent.
Janeway: Back us off, Tom!
Paris: I can't, Captain! We're caught in some kind of current,
it's pulling us in!
(Voyager is seen being pulled towards the plasma storm.)
Janeway: Emergency power to the thrusters!
Kim (pausing): It's working, Captain. We're breaking free!
(A stray strand of plasma impacts the ship. A few explosions
occur on the Bridge.)
Kim: Then, again, maybe not.
Paris: Thrusters are offline, Captain. We're being pulled towards
it, again.
Janeway: Options?!
Chakotay: Tom, forget about the thrusters and engage impulse
engines! They should provide us with the power we need to escape.
Paris: Aye, engaging impulse engines!
Kim: Captain, another plasma wave just came on sensors! It's
heading straight for us!
(Voyager is seen turning out of the current. The incoming plasma
wave hits the ship hard. Massive explosions occur on the Bridge
as the ship shakes and the lights flicker. A lone ensign decides
this would be a good time to practice somersaults.)
Janeway: Report!!!
Tuvok: Sheilds are gone, Captain.
Kim: We've got multiple hull breaches! Emergency forcefields are
holding!
Paris: Impulse engines are gone, too, Captain! If I didn't know
any better, I'd say someone didn't want us to leave.
Janeway:
-----
COMMERCIAL BREAK
(A teenage boy with an extremely blotchy face is looking at
himself in a mirror.)
Voice-over: Do you have a problem with acne? If so, DermaSeal can
help.
(The teenage boy is now walking down a street. A little dog comes
up and starts happily barking at him. He smiles down at it. It
stops barking and runs away, whimpering. The boy looks sad.)
Voice-over: There's no need to suffer the every day embarrassment
of having a bad complexion.
Neighbor #1: My God! What is it?!
Neighbor #2: It's hideous!
Neighbor #3: Destroy the monster!
(The teenage boy is now being chased through a cornfield by his
neighbors, silhouetted by the setting sun.)
Voice-over: Give DermaSeal a try today. Results may vary.
-----
(The away team materializes on the flight deck on the ship.
John: I'm Professor John Robinson of the Jupiter Two. This is
my wife, Maureen, our son, Will, and our daughters, Judy and
Penny.
Maureen (smiling): How do you do? May I bake something for you?
Don: We'll be over there, having intercourse, if you need us.
(Don and Judy walk off.)
Maureen: Have fun, you two.
Smith (smiling, looking down at Will): You know, William, I
must confess to a certain amount of guilty pleasure I derive from
holding you close to me, my boy.
Will: The danger's over, Doctor Smith. You can let me go now.
Smith: Not just yet, William. The danger may seem to be over, but
one never knows what the future holds. It's better if you remain
with me, for protection.
Robot: I sense that Doctor Smith is enjoying himself too much to
release you right now, Will Robinson.
Smith: How dare you, you mechanical scrap heap!
Will: Really, Doctor Smith, I'm pretty sure I can take care of
myself.
Smith: Very well, my boy. Should you change your mind, I will be
here.
(He lets him go. Will straightens his shirt. Smith moves over to
the Robot.)
Smith: As for you, good sir...
(He pulls out the Robot's power pack. The Robot goes limp.)
Will: What did you do that for?
Tuvok: During the Great Barney Rebellion of twenty
ninety-seven, nearly three quarters of Earth's population were
manipulated into believing that they, in essence, loved him.
Janeway: As I understand it, once the original Barney gained
sentience,
John: We'll lure him away in the Jupiter Two. He belongs in
our time, not yours.
Chakotay: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Professor. The risk
is just too great.
Don: Listen, we don't have a lot of options right now. Every
minute we delay, that thing comes closer to destroying your ship,
and us along with...
Judy: Oh, Don, do me?
Don: Okay.
(Don and Judy rush off to find somewhere private.)
Kim: Captain, it's coming.
Janeway: Let it come.